Children, sex and BDSM

Wrote this for a class and it seems like a good fit for this web site.

Despite accusations from the opposition, children are often harmed more by masking sexuality rather than overtly explaining it. In our vain attempt to “protect our children” we often end up doing more harm; reacting rather than taking a pro-active approach. There is nothing wrong with protecting children against material that is not suitable for their age, but should something present itself, rather than hide it and denounce it, an explanation would be far less harmful than attempting to hide it.

In the era we live in, such images (and even videos) are available with a few clicks of the mouse. Try as we might, eventually, every filtering solution can and will be circumvented. Rather than expend large quantities of energy in a futile attempt at blocking so called “offensive material”, would it not be better to remove the desire to view said content in the first place? To explain what it is they are seeing. It’s a basic matter of psychology that if you make something “illegal” and wrong it only generates more curiosity.

I am not suggesting exposing children to said content as one would do for a pox party. However, even without your help, children are exposed to it. Between pop stars dressing more and more in a sexual fashion, to TV sitcoms featuring BDSM themes, some of these disruptive elements are already in your home. Unless you want to go off the grid, disconnect all TV and internet, these images will permeate your walls in spite of your best efforts. It is a futile endeavor

So what are we left with? Insist that the schools teach sex education? Honestly, this can be a good first step, but it isn’t the end all of sexual education. Often times, the teachers are censored themselves or biased against certain forms of sexuality. Hence, said topics would not be brought up, and if they were asked by a student, the answer given would reflect said bias. One cannot completely rely on another party to give the information. The old adage still rings true: “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself”.

So back we go into the home for “the talk”, certainly not the most enjoyable part of being a parent. However, as one, it is your responsibility, not just in matters of sex, but in all areas to convey your beliefs and your values (regardless if they are accepted). Information on sex also falls into that category. Examples of where you might differ from the school include: Contraception, sex before marriage, and orientation. Different religious groups and social backgrounds might have different ideas of what is acceptable. Most of the time, these do gel with what the school may be teaching, but it is always best to convey the information yourself to make sure it is done right.

Now, when it comes to BDSM, this is a very different story. BDSM, at first should be kept under wraps, but that does not mean that you have to give up your relationships altogether. Some activities of BDSM appear completely natural to outsiders, much less children. Power exchange for example can appear as being helpful when a man asks his mistress if he can get her anything. Obviously you want to avoid using D/s monikers around the children.

In closing, sex is a natural part of growing up. One can either let the schools provide information, the media/internet, or do it yourself. All of the options have their up sides and down sides. However, in the end, it has to be done, preferably by the parent. In addition, sex shouldn’t be something that is hidden in a dark corner and never spoken of. Such an act only leads to further issues later on.




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